I've had several urges to leave Gaia now over this... year was it? About a year of my absence. All notifications from here were going to an email address I didn't check, together with other places online where I've once been active. Many blogspheres, journals, forums, are left behind. Many friends are lost, online and in real life.

Everything is left behind. Change is natural. I am not in a position where I have to struggle to survive or succeed. I simply need to find myself. My place in life. Know myself. And I've found that I do not belong in places where I've been before. People like me should shut up and work their way to a position where they may have something to say, otherwise they should shut up and learn.

I loved Gaia. Here, I've found people who are doing things with their life, changing the world around them, walking the walk. I've also seen many who are just talking the talk. Myself included.

I talk less every day now. Talk begins to disgust me. I have learned what I wanted, I have a good clue of the way things in this world are. I believe things are as they should be, because of what human nature is like. Society, economics, politics - everything is as flawed as human being itself. But there is no use talking about it.Yes, I don't like the way things are. There is a lot to do. There is much room for improvement.

What I've learnt is, things do not improve. People improve things. People who dare to resist the shackles of social norms and start their own action, their own business, their own reality. People who Act, who Do things.

I don't consider talk to be an action anymore. Complains, wishes, theories, quotations, viewpoints, etc. - empty sound. I am still driven by compulsion, a need to Do Good, and Do Good in my vocabulary involved too many things. Like starting a pod here I knew I couldn't run properly. Little things. I believe less in little things every day. For example, here's a little "inspiring story" I remember:

A man was taking a walk along beach where hundreds of starfish went ashore. He was throwing them into the sea one by one. "What are you doing this for, you can't save them all, it won't make a difference!" Said someone to him. The man threw another starfish into the sea and said :"Sure made a difference to that one...".

Sentimental, cute, inspiring! No. The man was wasting time. If he REALLY cared about starfish he would have hired a large team of local youth to help with the starfish, he would have organised a brigade of starfish-savers, he would use his free time to construct barricades, lobby the government, run for council, inform and support the marine conservation societies, etc. But no, since he was bored, had lots of free time, and was in the inspired mood, he exercised a bit of charity. To feel better about himself. The starfish felt great, the lil' creture won a lottery! I guess it sort of felt a bit bad for hundreds of brothers and sisters starving to death on the shore... Oh well.

We do this every day. Change a lightbulb. Walk a granny across the road. Buy organic. Tick, feel better. Sure, we like to think that we CARE. But most of the times it's a lie - we simply would hate ourselves (more or less) if we DIDN'T do this.

No. I believe in this instead. "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime." I'm off to learn how to fish, dear friends. When I do, we'll talk more.

Namaste

He's a traveller in space and time,
No compass and no map.
A funny artist of the mime
Unsure of every step.

He's a traveller without a guide
Just looking for a way
To find out what he lacks inside,
What he has lost one day.

He's a traveller who plays a part
That he forgot he chose.
All paths return him to the start.
The world is round, or course.

He is a treveller who's blind -
Keeps searching for a part
That he can only ever find
Inside his loving heart.

He's a traveller who needs to see
He is a soul sublime
He is complete and he can be
Outside of space and time.

(Z.W.)

Sorry for leaving for so long.. I had my reasons, but let the past be in the past. I'm alive, healthy and in good spirit, and will be slowly getting back to being active here.

Namaste

One thing about this conflict is certain: there is no free press. The media is a political tool, a propaganda machine, and this conflict shows it clearly.

The west is portraying the conflict quite simply as a Russian aggression. Russian tanks and planes destroying a democratic country - Georgia. Any alternative views are muted.

The Russian media is reporting a very different picture. A region brutally shelled by Georgia, with great casualties.


The political game is more complex than what seems to be the case. I just want to point out that both Putin's country, and Bush's country, are not free, fair or democratic. They are elite-run superpowers. If I lived in South Ossetia, after what Georgia has done, I would not want to be a part of that country under any cercumstances, especially if its tanks killed someone in my family. By the way, Russian strikes at the key militarily-infrastructural points within Georgia are tactically justified, it's what any good military would do to halt enemy advancement. And to compare the acceptance of Ossetian independence to Nazi expansion is wrong. Germans in Sudeterland weren't fleeing from anyone's shells or tanks. Yet, if you read only the western or Georgian news, you'd be justified to demonise Russia.

Ah, it would be nice if we could put flowers into every single gun in the world, so that they can't make a single shot anymore. I don't know... Perhaps it is true that evil prevails when good men do nothing. The question is, what should the good men do? Create an army of assassins to be able to threaten the western hidden elite, like the eastern secret society seems to have done? Develop psychic abilities with the power to counteract the HAARPs and the mass population hypnois? Something needs to be created, something that can suddenly enable the citizens of countries to fearlessly protest, to strongly hold their governments accountable. Perhaps money must lose its value, so nobody can be bribed?

Forget the prophecies. Let's agree that nothing is meant to happen. WE have to make something happen.

I've finished reading Ken Wilber's "Integral Spirituality" and decided to come back to the old idea of an "esoteric portal" tha I had a couple of years ago.. But not to come back to it literally. I do not have the patience to organise and realise something as ambitious as what I had in mind (something like II+Gaia combined). The point is, I've been integrating knowledge so far in my life very similarly to what Wilber is talking about in I.S.

To me it is common sense that the four "quadrants" are often ignored by certain disciplines and lifestyles (but shouldn't be!). I've also experienced the different "states of consciousness" and agree they are "available" to people at different stages. Of course, I have disagreements with various parts of the AQAL theory but I certainly agree the idea is good.

As for his take on specifically Spirituality and its role, Wilber makes some very good points. What I've realised myself is that spirituality is disconnected from mainstream art, particularly music. The ideas I'm tuned into nowadays are about songs, music, literature, that has much more overt as well as subliminal spirituality in it as compared to "yeah-yeah-nigga-motha*ucka" type of art. I have little against the "harsh"(!?) music styles, only against the informational content.

Mainly after reading Wilber the conclusion that I came to after integrating all my knowlegde so far is that, quite interestingly, I think I want to create a little new religion, a little personal "sect". (Ohh spooky word to use - "sect"!..) On my (never-materialised) website I was going to describe all the effective methods, teachings and techniques that I know of that have to do with personal development. From psychotheraputic directions to energy manipulation, from mythology to martial arts, all the dimentions that Ken Wilber "integrated" into the II practices and workshops - all this is exactly what I've had in mind all these years. And now that my life is about to radically change (I'm getting married and starting a 'career') I really want to finally integrate everything into an integral practice and religion that I am proud of. I am pagan, christian, buddhist, muslim, new-age, and at the same time I'm not. At least now I have a slightly better answer for a question about my religion. My religion is integral.

Though of course I'll choose a 'fancier' name :-) , think up some harmless rituals and prayers that are meaningful to me, and thus become the 'leader' of my own little 'sect', little "church", even if it's only for me. If a few people would like doing Tai-Chi, fun walks, moonviewing, dances and meditations with me, then it would be a very fun, happy, healthy, spiritual, and of course a very "integral" camp.

Ah.. This feels like freedom.
At last. :-)

Gosh what's gone into me? Should I try drinking for a change or something? I wanna go home. And.. By the way... Why did I stop writing poetry? Ahhh..

It worked so well for me...
A spell, a mystic glittering idea
That used to come to me.

It used to pull me,
To rule me,
To capture my attention
And channel my intention, truly.

And now... It's gone?
I used to write for fun!

I played with rhyme, with rythm, with verses!
And now it's all replaced.
With what?
With endless simple smart discourses.

Potentially very upsetting. Don't look. I waned you.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=528694&in_page_id=1811

"Humanity."
Yeah. Whatever.

I am no diviner, but I think this year there will be a great catastrophe, and that we need it. The speed with which science of Climate Change advanced over the recent years, together with the speed of the advance of the global warming itself, is astonishing. A major and swift change is needed, globally, action that the politics is unable to force today. So I turn to nature for "help" on this. There's going to be a major disaster. And we must make most use of it.

There is no disagreement amongst scientists. The overall heating and "energising" of the atmosphere is on the rise. This year will be the hottest to some and the wettest/windiest to others of all the previous years on record. Disaster is brewing. I don't know what it will be - a major hurricane, a disastrous flood, a disease pandemic, a military conflict - but in any case if and when it happens we must all clinge onto it as onto our only hope. Let me explain why.

Science, which is in consensus and precise, is adamant: 2 degrees Celcius temperature rise is all we can afford. Above this a "feedback mechanism" is started: we can then shut down all factories and scrap all cars and planes - it would no longer matter. Permafrost starts melting large-scale and releasing methane (23xCO2 greenhouse impact), the rainforests are committed to dying and releasing their stored CO2, the soil reaches a point of releasing its stored CO2, the ocean and oceanic bed releasing more greenhouse gases... Everything falls together, like a cardboard house, like a snowball rolling downhill. Two degrees warming and 400 ppm CO2 concentration that commit us to this are our aim, our limit.

We blew it. Atmospheric concentration of CO2 is over 380ppm, we'll cross 400ppm in less than a decade, and permafrost is already thawing. Best political plans aim at useless reductions by a useless date (mid-century). This is fatal. There is no time to "slow down", to "develop alternatives", to "ensure growing economy". We must now shut down everything, sit quietly in a dark corner hugging our teddy bear, and hope the big monster outside will pass by without noticing we're there.

If the economy is falling already without major climate change, what will happen when the big problems hit? The newspapers talk about a "large GDP loss" and "end of prosperity": nobody understands what climate change really means for us. It is the end of civilization, if not of all humanity, not just the end of "prosperity". Unless we have another glimpse into what climate change really means to us all, nothing will happen. We desperately need a wake-up call.

So whatever disasterous event happens this summer, cling onto it. Connect the dots, link it to climate change explicitly. Push it into people's faces, into companies' faces, into governments' faces. We must be reckless and informed. Local businesses must be scared into shutting off their wasted night lights and heating, the governments must be scared into stopping oil subsidies and tax breaks immediately, and we must be scared of starting our cars that every extra time or leaving those lights on an extra minute, as if this may trigger a bomb in our basement. And this must happen now, this year.

Yes, we must decend back into 18th century life, voluntarily. And immediately. Or we will be forced into bronze age, and our children - into stone age. For this we need a catalytic eye-opener, and only a major disaster can be up to the job.

As for people who will blindly refuse to do anything... Buy them a gun, a real live loaded gun, and ask them to shoot one child every few minutes. In the head. Because that's what they're doing. Because that's how serious it is.

I feel like banging my head on the wall. For two reasons.

First, the internet-wide "climate change deniers", with this site being their headquarters. Naturally, there are much less than the clamed 400+ "dissenters" and they are all bribed and mostly not scientists. There is no lack on consensus on Cimate Change amongst scientists. But those "dissenters" are still doing their job well. Any google search for climate change would show you this: "400+ scientists think there is no climate change". And in the back of your mind you think "Hmm..." Who cares it's all an evil imagination of a greedy senator and a bunch of "scientists" including Richard Lindzen, Steven Milloy, Fred Singer, Fred Seitz, Patrick Michaels, Bruce Ames who are all members of the "Advancement of Sound Science Center" sponsored by ExxonMobil, and also denying the health risks of passive smoking? They still make the impact.

And the second reason why I want to punish the wall with my scalp is the very argument of my dissertation: how bloody useless all this talk is when almost nothing is actually being DONE! I'm mighty glad the PENTAGON took a step in and told Bush that he's a fool to ignore climate change. And this is one mighty reference for my study. Instead of talking straight and harsh, the scientists and the economists are pussyfooting the issue, prognosing "possible disease spread" or "1% decrease in GDP", instead of the more effective "Nuclear conflict, mega-droughts, famine and widespread rioting will erupt across the world" in the next 20 years.

What's the point of all this IPCC science if it makes no political impact!?

I don't understand. What is all this getting towards? Instead of "what can I do for Tibet" I suddenly feel like asking "WHY?". Dear friends, bear with me on this for a second. Remember the last time an issue of "injustice" became widespread? I do. And the issues did not end peacefully. Somewhere, somehow, American troops got involved.

What is this getting towards? What if the government of China DOES NOT give in to international pressure? What if they learned from the west and, for example, decide to label Tibet as a centre of terrorism? Then what? What are we going to do? Join the protesters at throwing stones at chinese embassies? Well done, very peaceful demonstrations. I hope that stones are not replaced with Molotoff Cocktails. But what if they are? What if some American or French or British activist, with deep unconscious resentment of their own government, decides to release their frustration on China, especially if all China will do in Tibet is more violence and suppression? What if Molotoff Cocktails DO start flying towards embassies?

Then what - are we going to go to WAR with China? Let's see... Oppressive leaders - check. People suffering - check. Weapons of mass destruction - ehmmm... check check check!? Do we REALLY want peace to Tibet for such a price?

I'm for a mass (PEACEFUL) demonstrations at the Olympics and running with the torchbearers. It's a great opportunity to try to show humanitarianism and spread the news. I'm for international public forum on devising METHODS of FORCING China to reconsider its tough stance, culturally, economically, politically. But can anyone please explain to me WHY ON EARTH would the despotic Chinese rulers give in to the requests for greater freedoms and transparency and international investigation, etc., and thus factually making Tibet the international public forum  for critics and suffering people of China? Plus release all "terrorist" prisoners? Can you imagine them saying "ok, fine, let's let international journalists into Tibet and let all Chinese people to use the opportunity to let the world know about China's problems"? Somehow, dear friends, I don't think so. This is not the first issue that the international community has condemned China about. We all know China's nasty. Now... let me check where this thing I'm typing on came from. And where this thing I'm wearing while typing came from. And.... Etc.

Ultimately, it's about a public debate on how to challenge, and eventually get rid of, the oppressive communist regime in China. Tibet is not getting independence if the government stays, as "freedom" is not present in their communist dictionary. How do we do that? And why?

Another "why"!? Yes. Why Tibet and not Washington? Is our western "human rights" record a glossy empty white sheet? I'll just throw in that "Guantanamo Bay" thingy and that "over a trillion cost of war" thingy, for example, and humbly remind you about western international conduct. Why not deal with this, with something we actually CAN (potentially) influence directly as citizens, buyers, voters, activists? IF a change of regime is brewing in China, then I PRAY that it will happen from within, and that not a single western paratrooper will set foot on Chinese soil. THIS is what I call for when I say "PEACE FOR TIBET": let's tread lightly here, and sort out our own mess first. First, Tibetians were suppressed. Then, a few protests and international concern arose. Now, Tibetians are killed and hundreds imprisoned. Well done. Peace for Tibet, indeed.

From what I see, Dalai Lama is wise. I hope the Chinese authorities do talk to him eventually, hopefully the PEACEFUL demonstrations of solidarity at the Olympics will help this. He understands the meaning of peace, urging both Chinese and Tibetians to settle down and cool their tempers. Because he knows - where tempers rise, so do the death tolls.

I remember the effectivenes of public protest against the Iraq war in the UK (and the US?). Do you remember the effectiveness of that huge, unprescedented public protest? None. It's a "democratic" state we're talking about that we tried to influence. So now we're trying to influence a totalitarian state, with even weaker voice and arguments. Something tells me we aren't learning the lesson we are meant to learn well enough.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to display the "free tibet" icon. I'd love a discussion about this, but right now I think it's worthless. I signed a few petitions I found and told people around me about Tibet, but somehow it feels like I'm soothing my conscience. It seems I'm deluding myself about some things in this world if I'm displaying such an icon. And I am generally concerned about the effectiveness of our western "peace"-making methodology.