Giving it up.

I've had several urges to leave Gaia now over this... year was it? About a year of my absence. All notifications from here were going to an email address I didn't check, together with other places online where I've once been active. Many blogspheres, journals, forums, are left behind. Many friends are lost, online and in real life.

Everything is left behind. Change is natural. I am not in a position where I have to struggle to survive or succeed. I simply need to find myself. My place in life. Know myself. And I've found that I do not belong in places where I've been before. People like me should shut up and work their way to a position where they may have something to say, otherwise they should shut up and learn.

I loved Gaia. Here, I've found people who are doing things with their life, changing the world around them, walking the walk. I've also seen many who are just talking the talk. Myself included.

I talk less every day now. Talk begins to disgust me. I have learned what I wanted, I have a good clue of the way things in this world are. I believe things are as they should be, because of what human nature is like. Society, economics, politics - everything is as flawed as human being itself. But there is no use talking about it.Yes, I don't like the way things are. There is a lot to do. There is much room for improvement.

What I've learnt is, things do not improve. People improve things. People who dare to resist the shackles of social norms and start their own action, their own business, their own reality. People who Act, who Do things.

I don't consider talk to be an action anymore. Complains, wishes, theories, quotations, viewpoints, etc. - empty sound. I am still driven by compulsion, a need to Do Good, and Do Good in my vocabulary involved too many things. Like starting a pod here I knew I couldn't run properly. Little things. I believe less in little things every day. For example, here's a little "inspiring story" I remember:

A man was taking a walk along beach where hundreds of starfish went ashore. He was throwing them into the sea one by one. "What are you doing this for, you can't save them all, it won't make a difference!" Said someone to him. The man threw another starfish into the sea and said :"Sure made a difference to that one...".

Sentimental, cute, inspiring! No. The man was wasting time. If he REALLY cared about starfish he would have hired a large team of local youth to help with the starfish, he would have organised a brigade of starfish-savers, he would use his free time to construct barricades, lobby the government, run for council, inform and support the marine conservation societies, etc. But no, since he was bored, had lots of free time, and was in the inspired mood, he exercised a bit of charity. To feel better about himself. The starfish felt great, the lil' creture won a lottery! I guess it sort of felt a bit bad for hundreds of brothers and sisters starving to death on the shore... Oh well.

We do this every day. Change a lightbulb. Walk a granny across the road. Buy organic. Tick, feel better. Sure, we like to think that we CARE. But most of the times it's a lie - we simply would hate ourselves (more or less) if we DIDN'T do this.

No. I believe in this instead. "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime." I'm off to learn how to fish, dear friends. When I do, we'll talk more.

Namaste